Breaking Free from Rules You Never Made

How to stop living by someone else's playbook

I had a moment at dinner with friends last week that shook me.

We were talking about career moves, and someone commented on how "lucky" I was to have taken certain risks in my life. Without thinking, I immediately started downplaying everything, calling it luck, timing, being in the right place. Classic deflection mode.

But driving home, I felt this weird knot in my stomach. Why couldn't I just say "thank you" and own what I'd accomplished? When did I learn that taking credit for my success was somehow wrong or arrogant?

The answer hit me like a truck: everywhere. Growing up, I absorbed the message that confidence was cockiness, that talking about achievements was bragging, that good people minimize themselves to make others comfortable. Somewhere along the way, I learned to shrink so others wouldn't feel small.

Sound familiar?